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Okay, this much I know. Gillian's gone, and there isn't much I can do about it. I care, but what the hell, we all live and we're all going to die some day. It's been a month since the funeral, and Starsky is still "mother-henning" me. We went out bowling last night with his girlfriend, Nancy. Boy, can she ever "not" bowl! I wonder when she will ever learn. Probably never. Starsky thinks it's cute, I guess, but when she said she got a "bingo", I couldn't believe it. I mean, how dumb can you... never mind. I guess I shouldn't say that about her. She is Starsky's girlfriend, after all. Like I was saying, Starsky is continuing to mother hen me. I love that man, but I think he can stop anytime now. I'm fine. Really, I am. I'm back at work and everything is great. Even made an important arrest the other day. There were a couple of murders down in the warehouse district and we found the killer. A down-on-his-luck dope addict, who was killing for people's wallets. Just stabbed them in the back, just like that...for their money. It is really amazing what some people will do. Hey, it was pretty damn unbelievable what Grossman did. Just figured he could kill Gillian and get away with it. Well, Starsk and I didn't let him. He and his mother are going to be in the slammer for a long time. Probably will die there. That would serve them right.
Kind of an interesting thing happened the other day. I guess Starsky and Huggy wouldn't call it that, but I am curious about it. You see I went to "The Pits" with Starsk, and we started talking with Huggy about some of our more recent cases. Huggy started talking about the whole Gillian mess, and I kind of lost it. I mean, he didn't really say anything bad, just something about how it would've been a whole lot better if Gillian had stayed in Cleveland. Of course, if that had happened, I never would've met her. I didn't like the way the conversation was going, so I told Huggy to stop. Except, I guess you could say I told him to stop a bit too forcefully. I actually grabbed him by the collar and shoved him up against the wall, and then told him to stop. Starsk was pretty upset when I did that, not to mention Huggy. Huggy looked downright scared! Of me! I guess I shouldn't have done that, but he shouldn't have talked that way about Gillian, either.
Starsky told me after that happened, that he wants me to go and talk to someone about this, like a shrink. He thinks I still have a lot of anger about what happened to Gillian. I told him to forget it. I can handle this, just like I handle lots of other problems. I got through that whole mess with the heroin, didn't I? I mean, Starsk and Huggy did help me, but I had a lot to do with that, too. I don't even need the heroin anymore. Well, maybe I do, sometimes. Right after Gillian died, I had a tough time with the pain I was feeling. The heroin was looking pretty good at that time. But, Starsk was with me during those nights...for a whole two weeks after she died. He stayed with me in my apartment even though I told him to go home. Said that his place was being fumigated, and that he had to stay with me. Yeah, right. I let him think that I believed him.
I've been having some really strange dreams, too. Like the other night, I could have sworn that someone sat on the bed next to me. Of course, it woke me up, and there was no one there, so obviously it was nothing. It's kind of funny, though, how the smell of Gillian's perfume was in the air after that. It's still there, by the way. Now, that's very strange. Maybe she came to visit me? Yeah, right, like I really believe in ghosts.
So, as you can see, I am doing fine. Yeah, there are one or two things that I don't like talking about, but hey, doesn't every one have things they don't like talking about? And, I guess I shouldn't have shoved Huggy up against the wall like that. Well, Huggy said that he would forget all about it, so I will too. After all, no sense in dragging up bad memories, right? Yep, I can see that things will be fine from here on in.