This story first appeared in the newsletter, Frienz (1996) and in the newsletter Black Bean Soup (1997). Information about the newsletter Black Bean Soup can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Studio/7556/ Comments on this story can be sent to: firstname.lastname@example.org and will be forwarded to the author.
He Said, He Said
K Hanna Korossy
I thought it smelled funny from the start. The whole thing of gettin' to Hutch through Huggy--well, it was a little kinky. 'Course, in our line of work, we always make some interestin' enemies. This one was just particularly creative.
See, it all started when some nut and two of his flunkies tore up Huggy and his bar as a message to Hutch. We didn't know what was goin' on, but I wasn't about to let the Blond Blintz go it alone--he has a way of gettin' into trouble. So I tagged along to the meet. Huggy, ever observant, could only tell us to look for a tan panel truck. Very helpful. Sometimes I think we need a more informative informant. 'Cept we'd never find one with Huggy's fashion sense.
The tan panel job showed up at the meet right on time, but the two clowns in it took off when they saw us. Also a little weird; they're the ones who wanted this conference in the first place. But, hey, we had nothin' better to do, so I stepped on it, and the Torino tore after them.
Now, the Torino can outrun just about anything, but we didn't know these turkeys had an ace up their sleeve--they had our radio rigged so that they could feed us any information they wanted. They strung us along while we thought that four other units were all taggin' along behind. I had a feelin' something was wrong, but we kept followin' the reports of where the truck was supposed to be goin'. But, thanks to my superior drivin', they were never far ahead of us. I figure they pulled into the farm only a minute or so before we did.
That was where we ended up, this deserted farm. Hutch got out to recona... reconnot... to look around on foot, and I circled around in the Torino. When the shootin' started, I was pretty far away from him, but I turned around fast. Gotta keep your partner covered all the time, especially when he's got a blond head you can see from a mile away.
Here's where it gets a little complicated. Turns out there was this kid, Joey, who we had picked up for shopliftin' earlier, who was stowed away in the back seat. Crazy kid had the hots for me--sometimes I got that problem with women, only they're usually a little older. But, so now we were stuck in the barn, with Joey, and three fellas outside ready to burn us down. Terrific.
Hutch wanted me to try and surrender, get out with Joey, but I nixed that pretty fast. Dummy, thinks I'd leave him to save my own skin. That's the number one rule; you stick with your partner, even if he's being an idiot. So what options did we have? We talked it over, and decided Joey should try to get out of there while we covered her. She woulda gone to the moon for me, so she agreed to get out and go for help. No point in tellin' her that if we didn't figure out some way to get out of there before she came back with reinforcements, there wouldn't be anything left to come back for. We'd thinka somethin'.
That was when I got myself shot. It was my own fault--after Joey got away, I tried to make a break for the woods behind the barn. Got all of a lousy three feet before I took a slug in the leg. Hutch was there right away and got me inside the barn, but we musta made quite a picture--me hoppin' on one leg and Blondie holdin' me up.
I knew there was some reason I kept the blintz around. He's good at first aid and had my leg fixed up in no time, even though it hurt like crazy by then. I could see that he was beginnin' to take it kinda personal, though, like it was his fault that I got shot, so I cheered him up with some war stories. Got him nice and grouchy in no time. That's my partner, God love him!
Hutch's a farm boy, and it didn't take him long to figure out that he could use the tractor to break us outta there. 'Course, he's not bright enough to think of usin' the crank to get the engine primed, but then, I always was the brains of the outfit. Gotta admit the plan worked, though. By the time the explosives went off and the fire got started, the blintz had that tractor going, and, sure enough, he got us out of the barn! He went into the house to settle the score with Johnny Bagley, and I took care of the creep roamin' around outside.
I finally made it into the house to give my partner some back-up if needed, but I've got him pretty well trained and he had everythin' under control by the time I got there. Only thing is, the idiot busted up my watch to do it. That's gratitude for ya'--give a guy your most precious possession for safe-keeping and he busts it! One of these days, I'm gonna requisition a new partner if he doesn't watch it. Maybe I'd get lucky and get one that had some taste in cars.
'Course, Blondie wouldn't last very long without me lookin' after him, so I guess I'd better keep him for a while. After all, he's learnin'...
After being a policeman for a while, it becomes inevitable that you collect a few enemies with less-than-wholesome intentions. And, occasionally, we have to deal with one that wants to even the score. That's what happened last week.
Huggy took the brunt of it this time, which steamed me a little. Starsky and I are used to it, it's part of our job, but sometimes it rubs off on our friends, too. Like with Abby... but that's another story.
Anyway, we got to the Pits to find it completely demolished, and Huggy with a message for me about a meet. Poor guy, he didn't look too good, and with Starsky clowning around like usual, it's a miracle we got anything useful out of him. In the end, all we had to go on where a couple of vague descriptions and a tan panel truck. Not too much, but it was a start.
We both went to the meet, of course. Starsky seems to get into trouble when I leave him alone, and besides, we share our friends, why not our enemies? Makes him feel useful, and... I suppose I don't mind the company, either.
Anyway, the turkeys took off the moment they saw us. I had a strange feeling about the whole thing, but we took off after them, Starsky driving like a bat out of hell, as usual. It would have been a wonder if we had caught up to them. But at any rate, we kept getting regular reports on their position, and having no reason to suspect the information, we stayed in pursuit all the way to the abandoned farm.
That idiot should have cleared out of there right away when they started shooting at me. After all, he was in the car and I was on foot; I could have held them off until he found some back-up. But he seems to have a kinda blind spot where I'm concerned. So before I knew it, we were both trapped in the barn.
That's when we found out we'd had a stowaway along. God knows what that kid Joey sees in Starsky, but she couldn't resist tagging along. Just what I needed, two kids to look after. I wanted to get them both out of there--it was my fight, after all, but Starsky wouldn't leave. Said he'd rather be trapped with a gun than surrendering unarmed, but I guess I know the real truth. He may be a crazy nut, but he sure is loyal.
We got Joey out and decided to try an offensive and get out ourselves, but then Starsky caught a bullet in the leg. Really scared me for a moment; it was all I could do to get him inside. It was my fault, I should have covered him better, but what was done was done. I tried to make him as comfortable as possible, even winced through a few of his awful stories and humored him by pretending to be annoyed. But then it was time for serious thinking; I had gotten him into that mess, I was gonna get him out.
Thank God, there was a rusted out tractor in the barn with us, and it didn't take long for me to figure out that we could use that to our advantage. Starsky helped a little too, but mostly just talked my ear off while I worked. Never at a loss for words, that's my partner.
My plan worked perfectly and soon we where out of there. Starsky's no slouch, even with a bad leg, and he took care of the guy outside while I took on the two inside. It wasn't too difficult, either, although I had to sacrifice Starsky's watch to do it. He wasn't very happy about it, but that's gratitude for you--do what you have to to save both your skins, and all he can worry about is his watch. Sometimes I think he's more trouble than he's worth, but Mushbrain wouldn't get two feet without me, so I put up with him. I guess I've kinda gotten used to him. And, after all, he is learning...
Written in 1995