The Warning Warning
These characters belong to both the writer who created them and the producer
that produced the show and the studio that produced the show and, of course,
the wonderful actors who brought them to life (and who should still act like
them because that's what they owe the fans). I also don't want to infringe
on anybody's copyright, but please note that any characters I made
up cannot be used by anyone else without my permission.
I am not making any profit on this story; I'm only
charging what I spent for materials and labor and an ISP. The cost is $15
per story (fax and e-mail only; make sure you tell me which you prefer).
Part: 1/?? (I just never know when to stop!)
Please be advised there is adult content in this story. By adult content, I mean
content that would be defined as "adult." Sex is conspicuous
throughout the story (I'm sure most of you will recognize it), so when you come
to a segment that contains sex, the section will be highlighted by the words
"BEGIN SEX." When that section is over, the words "END SEX"
will appear. Readers not sexual by nature should make note of this and skip over
any sections that begin and end.
Readers who have sexual preferences to their aversions must make the following
distinctions: "NS" indicates a "Normal Sex" scene.
"KS" refers to a "Kinky Sex" scene. Please do not confuse
the two terms.
This is a death story, by which I mean the word "death" does appear
and is used in its proper context. Just as sex segments are marked with sexual
warnings, death segments will be marked with deathly warnings
This is an AU story. However, since I don't know what an AU is, I can only warn
readers not to read this story if they are unfairly and ignorantly biased
There are some bad words in this story. (However, please know that I had a
friend add those bad words, as I would never use them myself.)
Adults under 18 are not adults. Children should not be allowed to read this
material, unless said children have been repeatedly exposed to the videotapes of
this particular fandom, read to from the zines published in this fandom, raised
to support this particular fandom as well as their parent's immersion in it, and
forced to participate in this fandom or get no parental attention at all.
Lars Schimmelwitz, the crooked government agent, did it. (The crime, not the
Any negative comments or criticisms of the story should be kept to yourself.
Just because the story is available to everyone does not mean everyone is
invited to voice their thoughts--remember, only positive thoughts are acceptable
thoughts! And by positive thoughts I do not mean "good attempt; try
again," I mean "wonderful story; you made me laugh, you made me cry;
please write more!" Criticism should not be critical but flattering as well
as positive and contain comparisons to other highly-praised writers. Such
details as spelling, grammar, syntax and plot are to be ignored, as they
interfere with the fun of the writing. The fun of the writing is all that
matters, but it is only fun if readers recognize this and apply mandatory
compliments. Likewise, research is not important to the overall effect of a
story. I am not trying for verisimilitude, I am trying for real life as I see
If you can't contribute in the above manner, then you must not contribute at
all. Which brings me to:
The meaning of the story is obviously apparent, and has nothing to do with clear
and concise writing for its expression. No interpretations of the story will be
allowed as there is only one way to interpret the story, and that is my way
(which when you read the story, will be obvious). Our heroes are what they are,
and their relationship is not to be taken lightly or misconstrued in any way.
Any attempts to assign an abnormal, sick, twisted, evil or minority meaning to
the story will be shouted down immediately. Alternate readings are for fools,
drunks, mad dogs, Englishmen, and people who are trying to take the fun out of
writing and break up lists.
I am not in the medical field, the law enforcement field, or any scientific
field. What I wrote is how I feel these jobs work, and it worked for me in the
story so you should have no problem with it, either. It all makes sense to me
and that's all that matters because it's my story.
The lead female character is NOT to be interpreted as an extension of myself.
Just because she looks like me and acts like me and shares my first name, there
is no reason to believe she IS me.
The plot is NOT a re-writing of any of my previous stories and expresses a new
and insightful look at all the characters and situations I used in my last story
which everyone loved.
This story was conceived during a bleak, rainy day when I had run out of new
tapes to watch (I had been promised new dubs, but my so-called friendly tape
dubber was two weeks behind on her copies and no amount of telephoning and
e-mailing had impressed upon her how desperately those new tapes were needed).
Instead, I could have cleaned my home. I could have taken my children out to
play. I could have gone to church. I could have gotten pursued a career. I could
have volunteered my time to a worthy cause. I could have read a book, gone to a
movie, or helped the old lady next door carry in her groceries, but something
had stuck in my mind from the last tape I'd just watched: Just what did my
beloved hero mean when he said at the end of the episode "I'm fine?"
And then enlightenment hit me, and I had the answer! I was filled with
enthusiasm for the idea that had just sprung up in my squishy gray lobes! Of
course, the story would be complex, and require quite a bit of thought and
research. (I would like to take a moment to thank all my fellow fen who found
relevant web sites for me, condensed the overwhelming data into a few
understandable sentences, and created a storyline to incorporate my idea.) I
started writing immediately, my soul pouring out onto the page like ketchup from
a catsup bottle. Chapter after chapter followed each other, crawling through the
proverbial birth canal, no end in sight just as sometimes it takes a while for
the afterbirth to show up.
Believe me, I could hardly wait to get this written and out to you readers so
you could tell me how good it is! (Yes, I know I could have written it quicker
than in six days, but my boss wanted a doctor's excuse after I'd called in sick
for three days!)
Beta readers and editors are for wimps.
But I would like to thank FanGirl and FanTCGirl for their encouragement and
support, and in reassuring me I am not only a wonderful writer but truly a good
person who doesn't deserve to be treated as just another fan but as the
sensitive, soulful Fan Leader I am.
Please contact me if you'd like to join my private list:
YouMustWorshipMeAndThinkAsIDo on www.onlylist.com.