1975, Bay City
Apartment above Huggy Bear's bar during "The Fix"
Hutch was a junkie. Starsky couldn't wrap his mind around that concept.
He sat down on the bed next to his trembling partner and cursed whoever had done this to Hutch into hell and back. Hutch had gone missing three days ago, but Starsky had found him on the streets stoned and strung out from the drug just today. Hutch had been kidnapped and gotten hooked on heroin by his kidnappers, finally breaking and giving up the information they wanted. For the days Hutch had been missing, Starsky had feared his partner was dead. No, this was worse than finding out Hutch was dead, much worse. Starsky only knew he had to help his partner through this and get him off of the drug. He couldn't take Hutch to a detox center, as the higher ups in the Department might find out. No, Hutch had to go cold turkey and only Starsky would be there to help him. Starsky knew that their partnership would be tested during this time like it never had before. And hopefully never again.
"Starsk? That you?"
"Yeah, I'm here," Starsky replied, "Ain't goin' nowhere, babe."
Starsky looked at his long-time partner and friend and nearly cried. Hutch was a mess. Strung out and craving the heroin had made Hutch's normally pale Nordic skin almost sallow. He was sweating profusely, but shivering at the same time. His blue eyes were unfocused and bloodshot. Starsky had stripped Hutch down to nothing but his briefs and he could see the needle marks on Hutch's arms. God, he would kill those bastards!
"I'm cold, Starsk," Hutch moaned as his whole body started shaking.
Standing up, Starsky walked quickly to the sofa in Huggy Bear's one room apartment and grabbed an old afghan off the back of a chair. Not wanting to leave Hutch alone for even a second, he quickly back to the bed and wrapped the blond man in the afghan. "Feel better?"
"A little. I'm still so cold."
"Don't worry, buddy, I'll warm you up." And with that statement, Starsky climbed into the double bed alongside of Hutch, gathered his partner into his arms, and held him. "Better now?"
"Yeah," but Hutch's words didn't ring true because he continued to shake in Starsky's arms. So, Starsky pulled his friend even tighter into his embrace, gently stroking and rocking Hutch's battling body.
"Try and sleep, Hutch. It's only goin' to get worse. You'll need your rest for later. I'll be here, just try and sleep."
Hutch's shaking continued, but he closed his eyes anyway. Minutes or hours later, Starsky didn't know; but he felt Hutch's breathing slow and he realized his partner was asleep.
Still holding the other man, Starsky gently turned Hutch onto his side and into a fetal position without waking him. Starsky spooned his body into Hutch's and tried to close his eyes as well. He would need his rest for what lay ahead. He prayed they would make it through this night and Hutch would get clean and stay clean. No, don't think about that now, Starsky's muddled brain shot back. Only think about getting Hutch through tonight. Tonight, only tonight mattered.
Starsky woke to moaning. Hutch was calling out in his sleep, "No! Stop! Don't!" Starsky's pulled his friend closer into his embrace and whispered into Hutch's ear, "it's okay, babe...I'm here. No one is going to hurt you."
The words didn't seem to reach Hutch's befuddled mind and he started to thrash about in Starsky's arms. Turning Hutch over so that he could see him, Starsky took his hand and slowly caressed Hutch's face, trying to calm him. That gesture seemed to quiet the big blond for the moment.
Leaning his forehead against his partner's, Starsky quietly began to cry. He had never seen Hutch so vulnerable, so helpless. He would kill the men who had done this to Hutch. He would kill them slowly and make them suffer.
Starsky's sobbing quieted and he soon became aware that Hutch was practically laying on top of him. And he also realized his partner had a hard on. Great, trust Hutch to think he was with some chick. At least Hutch wasn't impaired in that area!
Trying to pull away from Hutch's aroused body, Starsky thought that if only the boys at the station could see them now. As he tried to move away, Hutch only pulled him back. Starsky gave up the tug of war and let himself be held by his partner. In fact, if Starsky was honest with himself, it felt good. He and Hutch had always been openly affectionate with each other ever since their Academy days. He loved Hutch and he wasn't going to deny that. The other man was his best friend and in the past few days of thinking he had lost that friendship forever had made Starsky do some serious thinking. He wasn't going to take Hutch for granted anymore. No more games or playing around. They had been given a second chance and Starsky was going to take that chance to truly love and appreciate Hutch.
He moved closer into the embrace and touched his partner's face. "Hutch, God you'll never know how much I missed you when you were kidnapped...don't do that to me again. Okay, babe? My heart couldn't take it."
Starsky became aware that his partner was slowly moving on top of him in an unmistakable motion that wasn't entirely unpleasant. God, Hutch, what are you doing? Starsky realized Hutch's skin was hot to his touch and he was sweating up a storm. Not wanting to wake Hutch and embarrass them both, Starsky hoped his partner would stop and soon. Hutch's movements were having another effect on him, if he was truly honest. Feeling his own manhood spring to life, Starsky berated himself for having these types of feelings for Hutch. Nope, Hutch was a straight arrow, literally. Hutch didn't know about that part of Starsky's life. He had never told him that he had been with a guy once. Besides, it was a long time ago and he hadn't felt that strongly about a man since...well, until he had met Hutch.
Remembering another time back in New York when he was a teenager, his best friend Michael and he had also been inseparable, just like Hutch and him. Except, Michael had been a scrawny black haired Jewish kid like Starsky whereas Hutch was a tall, lean, blond from Minnesota.
Mikey and Davey. Davey and Mikey. They had gone everywhere together, done everything together. After his father had died, Starsky had gone from a happy teenager to sullen, moody troublemaker. His mother hadn't known what to do with him. Only Mikey knew what to say to ease his pain. His friend had literally saved his sanity and it was then that Starsky began to have more then friendly feelings for Mikey. He had tried to push the feelings away, forget about them. But it hadn't worked and one night in the basement of Mikey's parents house, he had confessed his love for his friend. And instead of pushing him away in disgust, Mikey had held Starsky in his arms and told him he felt the same way too. That night had changed everything. Over the next couple of months, Mikey and Davey had learned what pleased each other and gave into their feelings by making love. Kid's stuff really, Starsky thought in retrospect. Some mutual jerking off, blowjobs and frottage. But, it had been beautiful. Even with all the women he had been with since then, that experience had been the most intense of his life.
Mikey and his family had moved away shortly after that, and it was then that Starsky had started noticing the opposite sex. Since then, he hadn't thought about it much; only reliving it when his mom had told him that Mikey had been killed in Vietnam. But, fearing condemnation, he had never told anyone about his only homosexual experience. No, he hadn't even told Hutch -- and that was the only secret he had kept from his partner in the years they had known one another.
Starsky hadn't lusted after another man since Mikey.
The few days of not knowing where Hutch was, if he was alive, had brought back all those feelings again. He was trying to fight it, but having Hutch here in his arms was torture. Starsky wished that for just one minute that Hutch felt the same way about him. Having Hutch's big, beautiful body so close...God, he wished he could kiss those lips.
As if reading Starsky's thoughts, Hutch's hands came up to cup Starsky's face. Lying on top of Starsky, Hutch's drug-induced daze of arousal caused him to lean in and kiss the other man's lips.
"Oh, yeah, baby," moaned Hutch.
Starsky felt shameful, knowing he should stop Hutch's kiss; but refusing to allow this one glimpse of heaven to go away from him. It was deceitful to take advantage of Hutch in this state. He didn't know who he was kissing. But, it felt so good and he was only human. This might be his only chance to touch Hutch this way; so he let his partner continue.
Lightly stroking his lover's lips with his tongue, Starsky encircled the nape of his lover's neck with his right hand, feeling the thin, blond locks beneath.. He applied more pressure to those lips until his mouth settled over them. Sweet, this kiss was so sweet.
Wanting more, Starsky pressed his lips against his lover's and when his tongue traced the seam between those parted lips and moved in to deepen the kiss. Slanting across those sweet lips at a better angle, he opened his mouth wider and plunged into the heated moistness. Tongues met and danced. Hutch moaned in pure pleasure. Yes, this is what I wanted, Starsky thought dimly. Taking his time, Starsky explored every inch of that mouth, teasing the tongue, sucking gently against the lower lip, nipping it, then soothing. Never before had he been so turned on by just a kiss. He was hot, so hot. This man was making his erection grow harder every second. God, I want Hutch.
Starsky was caught up in the passion and desire of the kiss. His body throbbed with a craving not unlike Hutch's addiction. It ran through his veins and screamed, take him, take him! No, the kiss wasn't enough. Ever so greedy, Starsky clamored for more from his beautiful partner; he wanted Hutch naked beneath him. Wanted to see the ecstasy in his partner's eyes when they both climaxed together. He wanted to make love to Hutch until his partner would love him, only him. Never breaking the kiss, Starsky started caressing Hutch's pale chest. Knowing this would be his only chance to ever touch Hutch like this, he took every advantage. He let his hands travel everywhere. Trailing through Hutch's blond hair, caressing his shoulder, finally allowing his hand to find Hutch's nipple. Stroking softly, his thumb found and fondled the taut nipple. He heard a soft cry of pleasure come from Hutch's throat.
Yeah, babe, you like that don't you? thought Starsky. If you like me touching you there, wait till I move my hand lower, babe...you're going to love this.
Moving his hand down Hutch's chest slowly to the straining white briefs, Starsky felt Hutch's erection through his underwear. Hutch was so hard, nearly bursting out of the briefs that Starsky thought Hutch just might explode as soon as his hand made any contact. As he moved his hand into the briefs and lightly grabbed Hutch's cock, his friend moaned in relief. Starsky, in return, gripped his partner's phallus tighter and got a fierce pleasure as his thumb rolled over the crown of Hutch's cock.
Keeping a hold of Hutch's dick, he slowly slid his hand up and down the thick shaft, only stopping to trace his thumb around the crown. Putting all his love into pleasing Hutch, Starsky gave the hand job his all. While his hand worked its magic on Hutch's cock, Starsky freed his mouth from Hutch's and slowly trailed kisses over his face, his jawline, his long neck and finally moving his mouth down to reach the other man's hairless chest.
Knowing he had to end Hutch's torment, Starsky removed his hand from his partner's cock for an instant and quickly pulled Hutch's briefs off his hips, down his legs, finally pulling them off of Hutch's body completely. Now he had free access to his partner's body. Starsky moved back up to where Hutch lay on the bed and gathered the blond up in his arms, hauling him close. His own thickly covered chest rubbed against Hutch's bare one as Starsky started kissing him again. Returning his hand to Hutch's swollen member, Starsky was rewarded with deep moan of delight from the other man. Moving in response his partner's smooth touch, Hutch jerked his hips frantically against the hand and said, "Harder, baby, harder!" over and over again like a mantra. Starsky complied. Soon though, Starsky replaced his hand with his eager mouth.
Never taking his mouth off of Hutch, Starsky then slid his hands under Hutch's ass, grabbing both cheeks as Hutch's flailing body moved on the bed. "Yes, just like that," Hutch screamed.
Working his mouth up and down Hutch's impressive phallus, Starsky licked and kissed every inch of his lover's cock. "It's so good...love you," Hutch moaned incoherently.
Starsky stilled at that statement, but Hutch continued to moan and Starsky realized it was the heroin talking, as Hutch was so out of his mind from withdrawal that he probably didn't know what he was saying. He probably wouldn't even remember being made love to when he woke up. He just loved Hutch so much and wanted to give him this one night of love, of pleasure, to ease Hutch's battered heroin-addicted body. He wished he could take away the last few days of their lives. That Hutch had never been kidnapped, never gotten addicted to the smack; but then, Starsky would have never acknowledged his true feelings for his partner. They would have remained dormant. It had taken this near miss to wake him up and see what was literally in his face: that he loved Hutch.
And it was because of this that Starsky knew that after tonight he would have to be extra careful around Hutch, so his true feelings didn't emerge. Hutch could never find out that his partner of all these years was madly, deeply in love with him. This one night of passion had to be forgotten - for both their sakes.
Starsky moved his mouth along Hutch's now throbbing, engorged penis; licking, lightly biting it. He knew Hutch was close to coming. Suddenly, Hutch's cock swelled even larger, his body going rigid as he exploded with a loud scream at climax. Starsky didn't have time to react, he just swallowed Hutch's semen until his partner had nothing left to give. Licking his lips, Starsky removed his mouth from Hutch's now limp organ. Hutch had been so beautiful when he came. As Starsky collapsed against Hutch's chest and pulled him into a tight embrace, Hutch mummered drowsily, "That was beautiful, babe."
The next sound Starsky heard was a light snore from his partner. Content that Hutch was sleeping again, Starsky whispered, "Yes, it was."
Not wanting to break contact with Hutch, but growing alarmingly aware of his own throbbing erection, Starsky gently moved out of Hutch's embrace without waking his partner. He needed to take care of it before he gave into his desires and woke Hutch up.
Turning on the light in the bathroom and closing the door softly behind him, Starsky walked over to the bathtub and turned on the shower full blast. Quickly ridding himself of his only clothing, his denim jeans, he stepped into the freezing cold water of the shower. The water felt good against his hotly aroused body. He tried to block out the mental images of the previous hour or so. Leaning back against the cold tile of the bathtub wall, Starsky closed his eyes and let the cold water do its work. He focused on his breathing, willing the images to go away. Breathe in slowly and out slowly...forget about Hutch lying on the bed. In and out. In and out.
Finally the cold water did its job and Starsky stepped out of the shower, picking up the bath towel from the floor of Huggy's bathroom. Quickly drying himself off, he donned his well-worn jeans, still toweling his curly locks, and walked out of the small bathroom back to where Hutch lay sleeping. He would hopefully be out for hours.
Looking around the small efficiency apartment, Starsky saw his blue shirt lying on a chair. Putting it on, Starsky looked around for his socks and shoes. Finding them under a pile of junk that Hutch had earlier thrown to the floor in a fit of rage, Starsky gathered them up and wandered over to the bed where Hutch lay. Needing to put some space between his partner and himself, Starsky walked around to the opposite side of the bed. Putting his back against the hard surface of the wall, Starsky slowly let his body drift down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Still trying to finish dressing, but utterly exhausted, he put on his socks, then one of his tennis shoes. As he was reaching for the other shoe, when he heard Hutch moan, "Jeanie."
The name was like a knife in Starsky's heart. Jeanie, Hutch must have thought I was Jeanie. That Jeanie had been making love to him. She was the entire reason Hutch was in this situation. That beautiful blonde airhead had inadvertently gotten Hutch kidnapped and addicted.
The thought of Hutch still loving that woman after everything that had happened tore at Starsky's heart. Hearing her name on Hutch's lips made Starsky all the more aware that when Hutch woke up, whether he remembered or not what had transpired between the two of them, Hutch's heart would still belong to Jeanie. Not him, never him. No, Starsky would never hear Hutch lovingly whisper his name. There would always be someone between them. Hutch didn't go for men and certainly not for his male partner. It had all been a pipe dream.
Those depressing thoughts, combined with a total lack of sleep for nearly a week, made Starsky just want to curl up in a ball and die. Sitting on the floor, next to Hutch's bed, Starsky closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. If he could just sleep, then all the pain would go away -- for a while.
Never even noticing that he had forgotten to put on his other tennis shoe, Starsky's breathing slowed and finally he fell into a deep slumber on the floor. His last coherent thought was of Hutch and that beautiful face laid bare in ecstasy.
That was a sight Starsky could get addicted to.
Continued in Line and Sinker
Author's Notes: I had always wondered at the near end of "The Fix" while S&H were at Huggy Bear's apartment, why was Starsky sitting next to Hutch's bed only wearing one shoe?
Thanks to Solo for initial editing and Elizabeth and KimberlyFDR for a recent re-editing. This was the first slash story I ever wrote.