THE LIMERICK LIFE OF A SLASH FAN

by

mzelaine

There once
         was a fan named Elaine,
Whose loneliness caused her great pain.
      Kirk was her hero-
      Spock was a zero.
More Kirk fans she wanted to gain.
One day she
         opened the paper.
It told of a "con" . . . a caper!
     She counted the days,
     Imagined the ways.
Kirk fantasies would not fail her.
The day for
         the "con" finally drew.
To downtown she went for the crew.
     Her brain was boggled . . .
     Her eyes were a-goggle!
Her love for the "space men" just grew!
Eyes were
         opened, new friends were found,
Treasures were bought, joy did abound.
     But best of all things,
     As rare as Jade Mings,
She found flyers, for ZINES, in mounds!
The best of
         all was found that day.
So much to choose from, she did say.
     Zines, zines, wondrous things,
     Better than gold rings.
And all you did was send your pay!
Home from
         the con, new friends in tow,
So many mem'ries, new worlds to go.
     Dull life was over,
     She was in clover,
Wanted it all, no going slow.
So many
         flyers, so many zines,
She wanted them all, ev-ry-thing!
     Which ones to choose first?
     Which ones wanted worst?
Lots of choices were made that spring.
Checks were
         written, envelopes mailed,
Lots were ordered. Now! Without fail!
     She paced every day,
     And even did pray.
At last some arrived-she exhaled!
Kirk, Spock,
         McCoy, and Scotty too,
The stories great . . . the concepts new.
     She read zines non-stop,
     'Til ready to pop,
Could not get enough of that crew.
Before too
         long there were stories
That Kirk and Spock had big worries.
     Not happy as friends,
     They went 'round the bend!
And shocked fans with sexual forays!
Elaine was
         stunned . . . could it be true?
Her hero Kirk just longed to screw?
     A shocking event!
     Her hair she did rent,
But buy some she knew she would do!
And then she
         learned it had a name,
Nothing mundane for this new game.
     They said it was SLASH,
     It grew in a flash.
Elaine would never be the same.
Her zine
         stash grew by leap and bound,
But more slash zines had to be found.
     Forget food and rent,
     Zine checks did get sent.
Addiction is what it did sound.
Then one day
         a cop show did air.
One of them had dark curly hair.
     The other was blond,
     Of both she was fond,
And suddenly true love did flair!
Never had
         there been such a show.
The boys' glances held such a glow.
     The love there was plain,
     And never in vain.
For passion between them did flow!
Elaine was
         in love with this crew.
It caused her to wonder "Kirk who"?
     Her passions did shift,
     Kirk zines she did lift
Right up to the attic they flew!
Next down
         came the pictures of Kirk.
Up went snaps of two cops at work.
     Great posters were found,
     New friends came around,
In this fandom she would not lurk.
Soon off to
         ZCon she did fly,
So that more goodies she could buy.
     Adventures she had,
     They made her heart glad,
And slash fun was had on the sly.
In those
         days t'was all underground.
Stories and illo's did abound.
     But they were kept hid,
     Deep under a lid.
To see them you must make no sound.
One year a
         great story by Ro,
Captured Elaine's mind from the "go."
     She lost her good sense,
     Her judgment was dense,
A ZINE she said let's do just so!
Friend Lucy
         joined in for the ride.
From hard labors they did not hide.
     No 'puters to use,
     It was no excuse,
And typos they did not abide!
A title it
         must have, with might.
What could it be? Something with bite!
     A long name was picked,
     All short ones were kicked.
'Who You Know . . ." it began. Just right!

The zine was a hit with the fans. 
In all there were very few pans.
     It won big acclaim,
   But it was a drain.
Elaine swore she'd never again!

A year later her mind did change. 
A letterzine was in her range.
     "Between Friends" it was,
    It made quite a buzz,
About it there was nothing strange.

Just letters and pieces of art,
Some short stories, a fannish Mart. 
     Two years it did last,
   Elaine had a blast.
Hard work, but it had so much heart.

Years passed and her passions did dim. 
Real life made her fannish life slim. 
     She needed a kick,
   Perhaps a new pick,
A submarine show was a gem.

Adventures of Harry and Lee,
When "Voyage . . . " went down to the sea. 
     Its slash was great fun,
   Could not be outdone,
And zines could be had for a fee.

After that came Vinnie and Frank, 
Two Wiseguys who did not rob banks. 
     They loved with passion,
    In their own fashion,
Roger, too, completed the rank.

Elaine was a slash fan extreme 
Of these gorgeous men it did seem. 
     But Starsky and Hutch,
   Her main men to clutch,
She never stopped loving to dream.

And so twenty years have gone by. 
Starsky and Hutch do still cause sighs.
     They love each other,
   Deeper than brothers,
Elaine's passion too is still high.

There's no better place than fandom. 
Bonds between fans are not random.
     It changed Elaine's life,
     Erased all her strife,
With friends and mem'ries, and then some!

There is one thing she's learned through strife. 
So beat the drums and blow the fife.
     The passion's heating-
     It bears repeating:
It's "FANDOM IS A WAY OF LIFE!"

Comments can be sent to: flamingoslim@erols.com