This story was originally published in the Starsky and Hutch Special Collection, published by Neon RainBow Press. Thanks go to Marlene for typing / first proofing and to SHaron for final proofing. Comments on this story can be sent to: firstname.lastname@example.org who will forward them to the author.
In Search of Pleasure
Through the soft evening stillness, gentle music met Starsky's ears and he paused on the walkway to listen. While his partner's musical talent was no surprise, the tender lyrics he heard were new. Crouching low to the ground, he crept up beside the open window and crouched there out of sight. His eyes closed as he lost himself in his partner's sweet, crooning words.
If I could make you cry,
If I could fill your eyes with pleasure just by holding you,
In the early hours of morning,
When the day that lies ahead has not quite begun.
Well, that's enough for me.
That's all the hero I need to be.
I smile to think of you and me.
You and I - and how our pleasure makes you cry.
Starsky heard Hutch's voice falter on the last line, and frowned at what sounded suspiciously like a sob. Disappointed when Hutch didn't continue, Starsky slowly began to rise, silently sinking back down when the soft strumming resumed.
If I could make you smile,
If I could move you close to laughter with a word or two,
When your day's been filled with strangers,
And the castles that you've built all tumble down.
Halfway through the refrain Starsky knew he heard a sob, and he abruptly rose, watching as Hutch put his guitar aside, then wrapped his arms around drawn up knees. When he saw the broad shoulders trembling, Starsky didn't even stop to think; he simply got up and hurried inside to soothe his partner.
Hutch gasped when Starsky touched him, his blond head lifting in a golden blur. The tear-filled eyes were already red, and Starsky suspected his friend had been singing through his tears for quite some time.
Standing in front of him, Starsky wrapped his arms around Hutch's brawny shoulders awkwardly. "Much more of that song and I'd cry too," he said softly. "That's a real beauty, Hutch. Somethin' new?"
"I guess." His tears abruptly ceasing with his partner's arrival, Hutch remained stiff and rigid until Starsky released him and stood back. "When did you decide to take up eavesdropping?"
Surprised by his partner's defensive posture, Starsky hesitated before he spoke. "If you call listenin' through an open window 'eavesdropping', then, tonight, I guess. I didn't mean to intrude. Sorry. Just forget I was even here." Hurt and puzzled, Starsky was half out the door before Hutch's quiet voice brought him to a halt.
"Starsk?" he said softly. "Please? Don't go. I - I need you."
Hutch was standing as Starsky turned, his cornflower blue eyes filled with tears again. As Starsky retraced his steps, the tall blond met him halfway - with a stifled sob and shudder, Hutch dissolved into his partner's waiting hands.
The warm body pressed to his reminded Starsky so much of Hutch's song that he almost felt haunted. As he held his trembling partner close and rubbed his back, Starsky wondered just who Hutch had been singing about. Though he was afraid to ask, he knew he had to know.
"Who's the song about, Hutch?" he asked softly, feeling the strong arms tighten momentarily. "Must be somebody pretty special to make you cry."
When he felt the blond head shake against his shoulder, Starsky reached up to stroke the golden strands, noticing for the first time how silky they were. Soft as a kitten's fur, he thought, savoring the texture. Soft and light yet kinda strong...like the rest of you.
He continued the light caress until he felt Hutch shiver. Running his hand down the long, lean back, Starsky tried to massage the tremors away, only to feel them become more frequent and more intense. His eyes closed as Hutch pressed against him, an unfamiliar length of hardness shoving against his thigh.
Without a word, Hutch told him exactly who his song and tears were for. And though he couldn't yet comprehend all it meant, Starsky couldn't reject his partner's need. Instead of pulling away, he pulled the tall blond tighter to him. At the sound of a ragged sob, Starsky simultaneously rubbed the taut nape of Hutch's neck and the small of his back. "It's okay, buddy," he murmured. "Everything's gonna be fine. Just try 'n' relax, okay? You don't need to cry anymore."
"How do you expect me to relax with this?" Hutch abruptly pulled away, then gestured to the pronounced bulge in his jeans. "Something tells me you'd rather let me cry than try to resolve that."
"Yeah? Don't be so sure." Starsky watched Hutch spin around with an ominous frown. "You don't always know what I'm feelin', ya know."
"Yeah, right," Hutch muttered, turning away. "I didn't know you were a cock-tease either until right now."
"Damn you!" Starsky's cobalt eyes were black with fury as he grasped his partner's arm roughly, spinning him back around. "Don't you ever call me names like that until you've got a damn good reason to. You want me to show you what a cock-tease I can really be, or would ya rather just make love like you want to?"
As Hutch gaped at him open-mouthed, Starsky dropped the hold on his arm and took a long, deep breath. Before Hutch could regain his senses, Starsky had closed the distance between them again. Eyes softening just before they closed, he leaned forward to initiate their first full mouth kiss.
Although he started out unresponsive and rigid, Hutch couldn't maintain the pose. With a low moan, he sagged forward against his partner's sturdy frame. Arms waiting, Starsky enfolded him gently, wrapping his arms tight around the slender back. He smiled through the timid kiss when Hutch pressed himself fully erect, against the hard muscles of Starsky's thigh.
"Aw, babe, you feel so good!" Hutch groaned, when they finally parted for air. "I can't...do you really mean this? You're not... I can't believe you want this too."
"That makes two of us," Starsky grinned wanly, acutely aware how sensuously Hutch's hands were stroking his hips. "Guess your song was more powerful than I knew."
"Song?" The minute Hutch's roving hands stilled, Starsky knew he'd said the wrong thing. "That's why you were...? Damn it, I should have known!"
Pulling away as though he'd been scalded, Hutch strode across the room, leaving Starsky to watch him with a sinking heart. To his surprise, Starsky felt abandoned, imagining a chill spreading through the room. He wasn't sure what to say to restore the intimacy they'd shared before, or why he even wanted to. He only knew it was suddenly very important not to let Hutch turn away from him again.
"Hutch? Please, babe?" Starsky's voice was low and soft. "I didn't mean that like you thought. I do want this... I think. I'm just kinda confused."
"You're confused?" Hutch shot back. "How the hell do ya think I feel? One minute you're comin' on to me like this all means somethin', and the next I find out ya just feel sorry for me. How the hell am I supposed to feel?"
"Confused. Hurt. Angry." Starsky made a slow approach. "I don't blame ya for feelin' that way, Hutch. And I know you're frustrated right now, too. So why don't we do somethin' about that part first, then go from there?"
"What do you expect me to do? Beg you to jerk me off? Thanks, but I've made a big enough fool of myself already tonight."
As the blond started to turn, Starsky caught his arm and held it. Eventually Hutch's eyes traveled the length of the brawny limb up to Starsky's eyes.
Starsky held his gaze firmly, love and caring filling the deep blue orbs. He didn't need to utter a word - his eyes said it all. He achieved the response he'd hoped for when Hutch's eyes grew misty.
"I love you, buddy," Starsky said at last, lightly rubbing Hutch's arm. "You'd never have to beg for anything. All ya gotta do is ask. I'll admit this is all pretty sudden, but the idea's crossed my mind before. I think I wanna love you, too."
The words apparently more than he could handle, Hutch's strong chin began to quiver, and he readily accepted his partner's open arms. Starsky felt the lithe body tremble and sensed how overwrought Hutch was. He made no attempt to do anything but hold the tall blond close while rubbing his back and stroking his hair.
"I need you, Starsk. And I want you," Hutch whispered. "More than you'd ever guess. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did."
"I know, babe. I know." Starsky pulled him tighter inside his arms. "It's okay. I need you too."
"But not like...not the same way. I can't... I'm not being fair to you."
"Why don't you let me decide what's fair? I have a say in this too, ya know." Starsky paused and purposefully wiggled, knowing the act would say far more than words. "Somethin' tells me we both have some unfulfilled needs right now."
As Starsky pressed closer to his tall partner, his cock led the way, nudging Hutch's thigh with hot demand. Starsky smiled at the blond's sharp intake of breath, and knew how surprised he was. It was the exact effect he'd hoped for.
Hutch didn't reply with words, letting his hard prick respond instead. He slid tentative arms around his partner as his eyes searched Starsky's face. He cupped the soft, full cheeks in both hands before lowering his head for another kiss. This time it was Starsky's turn to moan, the soft cry barely audible as his need surged to painful heights. Grasping the soft, firm mounds of Hutch's ass with both his hands, he pulled the strong body closer...smiling at the sound of Hutch's answering groan.
"God, babe, you feel good," Starsky murmured, breaking away from the kiss at last. "I never thought it could be like this."
"This and even better," Hutch assured him, obligingly tipping his head back as Starsky rained kisses all along his throat. "God, Starsk, don't!" he pleaded. "I can't take much more."
"So let's go someplace we can both stop sufferin'," Starsky suggested, glancing meaningfully toward Hutch's bedroom. "You might wanna close the window first, though. Just in case somebody else comes walkin' by."
Glancing sharply at the open window and shade, Hutch's fair complexion flushed crimson as he became aware how easily they could have been seen or heard. Quickly breaking out of the embrace, he closed the window and pulled all the front shades. When he turned back, Starsky was waiting with his hand outstretched.
"C'mon, ya big lug," he said fondly. "I don't want ya to get lost on the way."
Accepting his hand, Hutch smiled and shook his head, accompanying his partner to the adjacent bedroom. At the door, however, he paused and gently turned Starsky toward him. "You're sure about this?" he asked quietly. "I don't want to go any further unless you are. I've known how I've felt for a long time, but I think this is all still new to you. If you'd rather wait until we've talked about it, I'll understand."
"All I wanna do is love you," Starsky said simply, love emanating from his eyes. "And we don't need to talk about that. I think this is just gonna be a new way to express our love, that's all. I'm sure as I'll ever be, Hutch, and there'll be time for talk later on. Right now I just wanna love ya every way I can."
Those seemed to be the magic words for Hutch, who began unbuttoning his partner's shirt with trembling fingers.
Forcing his silent fears aside, Starsky followed Hutch's lead...and almost before he knew what happened, he found his naked form being gently propelled backward on the bed beneath Hutch's strong hands.
Reflexively Starsky tensed and almost pulled back, but before the fear could translate into action, a sudden movement brought Hutch's powerful leg across his hips, securely pinning him. A hand tenderly stroked the damp curls from his forehead, then gently caressed his face as it explored.
Turning his head, Starsky impulsively kissed the questing fingers, and they responded, delicately tracing the contours of his mouth. Then the feather touch of Hutch's lips brushed his closed eyelids, and warm, moist breath wafted past his cheek. It settled snowflake light on Starsky's mouth.
He gave a small, smothered sigh and wrapped his arms around his partner's ribs with a passion that surprised Starsky himself. His tongue probed Hutch's mouth until the firm lips parted, allowing his curious tongue to hungrily invade. He raised his hands to capture the blond head, his fingers becoming entwined in the gold silk strands. In an ironic turn, Hutch was the one held captive as their kiss deepened.
After a time, Hutch broke their sweet contact; his breath now coming in labored gasps. His eyes looked happily glazed as he pressed his erection against Starsky's.
Deliciously high on the rising wave of pleasure, Starsky lazily opened his eyes at last. He was surprised to find Hutch staring at him, the cornflower blue eyes slightly unfocused - and fearful.
"Starsk," he whispered, "are you sure?" he asked again. "This is...is this really okay? God knows I don't wanna stop, but I want it to be right for you, too."
Though he still had plenty of doubts and trepidation, Starsky was determined never to let Hutch know. In lieu of an answer, he simply smiled and snuggled closer to the long body at his side. Hutch smiled back in response, the fear fading from his eyes, and Starsky quickly initiated another kiss, knowing Hutch would see through the fašade to his doubting soul if he didn't do something.
Time stretched and slowed as their bodies flowed together, with Hutch evoking more exquisite sensations than Starsky had ever dreamed. After a short time he felt Hutch's lips leave his, but only to trail further down his body, pausing to nuzzle his suddenly erotic nipples. Then a hot tongue probed his navel as a hand squeezed and massaged his ass. He felt Hutch's finger caress his aching balls before being rolled and fondled until his yet untouched cock stood hard and throbbing and aching.
"Hutch. Aw, Hutch, please..." Starsky couldn't hold back his moans as he tossed his head in delicious agony. Then something warm and wet touched the head of his cock and he spasmed, nearly losing it. Apparently understanding the intensity of Starsky's gasp, Hutch's hand stilled until Starsky regained control and released a deep sigh, and even then he returned his attention to the weighty balls rather than to Starsky's cock itself.
Eager to have Hutch experience the same feelings, Starsky maneuvered around until he could reach his partner's swollen shaft. Closing his hand around it, Starsky was surprised by its length and girth, thrilled to have it swell even more at his touch. Sliding his hand lower, he stroked the bloated sac below. Hutch's deep, low moan was music to his ears.
Then Hutch's tongue returned, erasing Starsky's conscious thoughts. It was all he could do just to continue caressing the velvet sac and spike-rigid cock he held. He felt the warm wetness slide down the length of his cock as Hutch enveloped him in his hot, wet mouth. After just one full-length stroke, Starsky arched his back and gave a primeval cry.
"Hutch? Oh God, babe, that's it!" he shouted, writhing uncontrollably. "Hutch? Oh my God!"
Starsky moaned, feeling the hot streams of semen boil up the length of his spasming cock from his tortured balls. He'd never experienced such sweet, hot ecstasy as he gave his entire being over to Hutch's greedy mouth. He alternately cried Hutch's name and whimpered through the endless bursts of love. When reality finally, slowly, returned, he became aware of Hutch's urgent pressure against his hip. Rolling slightly away, he slid his hand down to grasp the swollen shaft once more. Hoping to slow Hutch's inevitable response at least a little, he worked his way down the long, sleek body, pausing at Hutch's nipples, then gliding down to taste the glistening drops at the tip of the straining cock. Hutch's soft moans reassured him he was doing things right.
His lips had scarcely closed around the flaring head when Hutch cried out and clutched Starsky's shoulders, his whole body shuddering.
Starsky froze, hoping his partner could regain control. He changed tactics when Hutch relaxed and sighed, knowing he wouldn't have long now, no matter what. Consequently, he wasted no time dropping his curly head to gently suck on his partner's balls.
"Starsk? Oh God, Starsk, that feels so good!" Hutch arched his back, pressing the low hanging balls toward Starsky's mouth and hand.
Gently cupping one in his hand and massaging, Starsky caught the other between his lips, stroking and teasing the heavy velvet with his tongue and mouth. Then he switched to give equal treatment to the other.
"Been so long...seems like forever..." Hutch's murmurings sounded almost delirious. "Love me, Starsk...please love me. I need... God, I need you now!" He paused, grasping his lover's shoulders in a painfully tight grip. "Starsk? Please? Love me?"
"Always," Starsky whispered, blinking back unexpected tears. "Get ready, babe. Hang on. This is gonna be somethin'."
Which from the sounds of Hutch's cries and moans proved not to be an understatement. Even Starsky was amazed at just how volatile and vocal his partner could be. From the first instant Starsky took the swollen purple head between his lips, Hutch was moaning and crying Starsky's name, his frequency and volume increasing with every stroke and suck.
"Starsk? Oh God, don't stop!" Hutch's shout pierced the room as Starsky felt the enormous cock swell just a tiny bit more.
Responding to his partner's need, Starsky sucked greedily on the throbbing tip while massaging the bulging bags with his hand.
"I'm coming! Oh God! Oh Starsk!" Hutch sounded tortured with his final cry, which emerged a mere instant before his long-pent geyser of semen flooded Starsky's mouth.
Pleasantly surprised by the creamy, sweet taste and smooth texture, Starsky eagerly drank every drop. He didn't unseal his lips from the shaft of Hutch's cock until his lover finally collapsed, drained, several moments later. Then he quickly moved up to snuggle close by his partner's side. It was some time later when Hutch finally stirred enough to caress Starsky's damp curls.
"Did you... Was it good for you, too?" Hutch asked, sounding surprisingly shy. "You sounded like you enjoyed it, but..."
"No buts," Starsky interrupted firmly, placing a light finger over Hutch's passion-swollen lips. "I loved every second of it, believe me. I've never come like that."
"Sounds like we're even then. I didn't know sensations like that could even exist." He paused, shivering slightly at the memory. "Even my dreams were never this good."
"You've dreamed about this? Really?" Intrigued, Starsky rolled onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow. "Sounds like you really have thought about this happenin' before. How long have you felt this way?"
"It seems like forever." Hutch dropped one arm across his eyes. "But I sure never thought you'd react this way. I guess it really hit home after John Blaine died. When we found out who he really was. I realized then just how much I loved you...and how."
"Funny. That's when I started thinkin' about us, too." Lazily, Starsky reached over to run his hand across his partner's chest. "I'd be thinkin' about John bein' with some guy, 'n all of a sudden I'd see myself with you. Strange thing was, I could never find anything not to like about it."
"And now?" Hutch caught Starsky's roving hand, then raised it to his lips. The slow, deliberate kisses he placed on the palm and each finger caused shivers to run up Starsky's spine. Afterward he searched the cobalt blue eyes, awaiting Starsky's answer.
"Now, I think I was an absolute idiot," Starsky said at last, curving his hand over Hutch's cheek. "I was so scared of what I didn't know that I ended up wastin' all this time. Now that I've had a taste, somethin' tells me I'll want a steady diet."
"I hope so," Hutch murmured. "God, I hope so! There's nothing I'd love more. That's kind of what the song says - if I could just have your love, I wouldn't need anything else."
"I wanna hear that song, ya know," Starsky told him. "From start to finish this time. Something tells me I'll like it even better now than I did before."
Nothing more needed to be said, and Hutch pulled Starsky across his chest, wrapping him tightly in his arms. Starsky sensed they had both found the pleasure they'd been searching for...and they'd never needed to look beyond each other's arms.